On Monday, Herman Cain was asked if he agreed with President Obama on Libya. Admittedly, the question is phrased poorly – “So you agreed with President Obama on Libya… or not?” First of all, that’s not a question, it’s a weird statement with rising inflection at the end to indicate its inquisitive nature. Secondly, Libya is not an opinion, it’s a nation-state. You can’t agree with someone “on Libya.” You can agree with the actions they took with regards to Libya, but seriously, who could guess that from what the journalist said?
Anyway, much hay has been made over the fact that Herman Cain didn’t really respond for… oh, about a minute. Sure, that looks bad. I mean, if you don’t have anything to say, you can probably just say, “That’s a complicated issue,” and then think about it, or ask the journalist to be more specific, or something. In the opinion of the esteemed ninjas here at the Master Ninja Institute, we are very much pro-thinking. The problem, however, is that it didn’t look like Cain was thinking. It looked more like he was lost and his GPS was telling him to go straight at a T-junction.
So here are ten things Herman Cain could have said in response to that half-asked question instead of remaining silent for almost a minute.
- “Libya? I hardly know ya!”
- “Did you know they have pizza in Libya? It’s true, don’t laugh.”
- “Could you repeat the question?”
- “How about all those sexual harassment charges? Isn’t that crazy?!”
- “I can’t say that I do.” (Technically, this is true even if you have no idea what the question means!)
- “Did you know that Libya is in Africa? It’s as far from the Middle East as Greece is! Doesn’t Greece have some problems you can ask me questions about?”
- “Libya rhymes with tibia.”
- “While you were obviously trying to ask a question, the grammatical structure of your statement was declarative, not interrogative. Thus, I must respond, ‘Yes, I agreed with President Obama on Libya or not.’”
- “Look! A monkey!”